Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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