peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
