i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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