idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
