Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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