May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
