I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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