mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
