I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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