As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
