one two three fourrrrnication!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Still dying that you shit outside
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
