Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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