She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
