what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
