bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
