this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
