listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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