All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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