You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
