My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
