I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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