I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
