I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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