She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
