Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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