We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
