As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
