All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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