Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Randomize
