I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
