Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
