were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
