I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
