oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
