Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I understand Curling. That high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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