so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
