My liver just broke up with me...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
