I heard we made out
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
