my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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