I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
