Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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