Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are we still banned from the library?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
