So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My ATM looks so different sober.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I could fuck to npr.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize