Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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