How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
