she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
