i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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