sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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