How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
