i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
